Great American Conversations
                    With The Alumni of RHS
               Issue 116 ~ November 28, 2000

 "The only way to make sure people you agree with can
speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree
                ~ Eleanor Holmes Norton ~


      U.S. Fails To Elect A President
      Queen Renounces American Independence               
      Bob (Mike Clowes) Carlson - '54

      Yes, I Remember Beatrix Potter!
       Pam Jewett-Bullock (nee Pyle '69) 

       I Remember Beatrix, Too!
       Bob Rector '62

       John Allen (Class of '66)

       Two Questions
       Ray Wells (54)

       Three Opinions For the Price of One
       Bob (Mike Clowes) Carlson '54


        U.S. Fails To Elect A President
        Queen Renounces American Independence
        Bob (Mike Clowes) Carlson - '54

    In light of the most recent and current events in
Florida, the following is reproduced.  It comes from
Margret M. Sheehan, a member of a national story telling
group.  I do not know if it originated from her or if it
is something that has been circulating on the web.  Only
the spelling has been changed to more readily identify
the guilty.

    "To the citizens of the United States of America.
    "In the light of your failure to elect a president,
and to thus gouvern yourselves, we hereby give notice of
the revocation of your independence, effective
    "Her Britanic Majesty, Elizabeth RII, will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and
other territories (except Utah, which we do not fancy).
    "In this accord, His Royal Highness, Charles, Prince
of Wales, is dutifully designated as Gouvenor General of
the American Colonies, and will dispence with any further
chaotic elections. The body known as the Congress of the
United States is hereby disbanded, and will disperse
    "To aid in the transition to status as a Crown
Colony, the following regulations are introduced with
immediate effect:

        "1.  All citizens will look up "revocation" in
the Oxford English Dictionary.  Citizens will also check
the pronunciation of the word "aluminium." You have been
most neglegent in pronunciation of this and several other
words, and we find American vocabulary most unacceptable.
        "2.  There is no such thing as "US English."
Microsoft will be duly informed on your behalf.
        "3.  You should endeavour to distinguish English
and Australian accents.  There is a world of difference.
        "4.  Hollywood will be required to cast English
actors as the "good guys" in future cinematic efforts.
        "5.  Americans will relearn the original anthem
"God Save The Queen," but only after fully completing
Task 1, above.  We do not wish you to become confused and
give up half-way through.
        "6.  The term "American Football" will be
eliminated from the vocabulary.  The game will be
permitted under the name "American Rules Rugby."  We
would prefer a complete transition to rugby in future, as
it is less time consumming, and more economical.
        "7.  To show our good graces, we will allow the
continuance of the game of baseball, and will gently
train our players in the more simple game. Cricket is too
convoluted for most American minds.
        "8.  You will immediately join our declaration of
war against Quebec and France, and are permitted the use
of nuclear weapons should the other parties give you any
        "9.  July fourth will no longer be celebrated as
a holiday.  However, to continue the American penchant
for blowing things up, we will allow you to adopt "Guy
Fawkes" Day, which is celebrated on 5th November.
         "p.s.  Please tell us who killed JFK.  It is
driving MI-5 bonkers."
    See what happens when you can't make up your mind.


             Yes, I Remember Beatrix Potter!
             Pam Jewett-Bullock (nee Pyle '69)

Reply to Our Moderator:

REMEMBER Beatrix Potter?  Did she GO someplace?  Tales of
Peter Rabbit graces the miniature book collection shelf
in our powder room; the rest of the collection is
upstairs in my office.  The Beatrix Potter collection is
still widely available in bookstores everywhere; and, by
all accounts, it's still a big seller, especially at the
holidays.  Some things never change...


                 I Remember Beatrix, Too!
                 Bob Rector '62

Yes, Yes, Beatrice Potter.  (Maybe Harry Potter's great
great grandmother?)  She began about 1902 to write the
stories of Peter Rabbit.  The most famous line.... I can
never get correct.... but something like..."and don't go
near Mr. McGreagor's Vegetable garden!" hummm: wisdom
beyond the ages.

Note: For folks from Bomberland- Believe it or not, look
at the hunting regulations and you will see that
Jackrabbits are now protected.  You may not shoot them

[Peter Rabbit should be glad to hear that, Bob.  By the
way, how many of you have read the book, WATERSHIP DOWNS?


              John Allen (Class of '66)

I continue to be amused by those liberal Sandbox
contributors who enjoy linking the past with the present
by suggesting that certain of this country's former
Democrat heroes like FDR, Harry Truman, JFK, Scoop
Jackson, and Warren Magnuson would have anything whatever
to do with the Democrat Party as it exists today.  Any
one of these men would more likely be inclined to take
the Party out back to the woodshed and give it the
spanking it so richly deserves for being such an
incredibly spoiled child run amok.  The only thing those
men had in common with Dems of today, was the congenital
predilection and innate ability of some for rigging
elections.  The clearest evidence for this claim is the
son of Richard J. Daley of the infamous Chicago
"machine," picking up in the year 2000 for his dearly
departed father. This is a rare but excellent example of
the sins of the father being vested upon (or at least
implanted in) the son.  In general however, it is an
incomparable insult to Democrat Party heritage to mention
AlGore in the same breath with names like Roosevelt,
Truman, Kennedy, and Jackson.

Perhaps it is instructive that the attempted cross-
generational political comparison mentioned above, was
offered by a lawyer.  Here we find another group of
individuals (I would say "professionals"
but........really, so few are) who have, during the last
3-4 decades, largely managed to bastardize their
industry.  In that time, the law has become significantly
less a means toward justice and much more a mental
obstacle course used by its practitioners (much in the
way women use clothes, make-up and hairdos) for the sole
purpose of impressing fellow competitors in the ever
evolving legal pecking order.  Most recently, they have
left us to ponder the great questions of life such as
what the meaning of "is" is; and we can only wonder how,
over 400 years ago, the bard William Shakespeare could
have been SO prescient.


                   Two Questions
                     Ray Wells (54)

After reading the articles (Sandbox Issue 115) on the
Willamette River, and the NW power shortage, I have to
ask two questions:

1. Do you suppose that when all that crap from the
Willamette River ends up in the Columbia River it might
just affect the salmon runs?

2. Is not the Governor of OR a bit out of line to endorse
ripping out the snake river dams to "save the salmon"
when he has failed to clean up the Willamette River that
contributes lethal pollution to the salmon's environment?


          Three Opinions For the Price of One
          Bob (Mike Clowes) Carlson '54

          Albany, Oregon

    Fellow alum and fellow Oregonian, Bob Mattson (64)
writes about the grandiose plans to beautify the
Willamette as it flows through "stumptown." Hate to tell
you this, Bob, but nothing will do short of paving over
downtown and making it a parking lot for Vancouver, USA.
Think I mentioned in a previous diatribe, about the way
the Willamette flows, and what Albany/Millersburg is
called.  It is an unfortunate thing that so many people
decided to live in the metropolitan area, and thus cause
radical changes in the way water courses through.

    And let us not forget the annual gathering of
babbling TV reporters every time Johnson Creek floods.
And the poor people who get flooded out each and every
year.  What is wrong with this picture?  Guess they are
kin to those whose homes used to make the annual trek
from Cairo, Illinois, to New Orleans as "Old Muddy" rose
and inundated the land.  Some people where just naturally
born "flat-landers," just gotta live in an annual flood

    Not to be outdone, Marc Franco (66) defends his
position on global warming with great panace, and just a
mild bit of panic Marc, I thought it had been
"scientifically" proven that the current temperature and
warming trends were attributted to an overabundance of
flatulent cows.  What's the solution?  Simple, eat more
beef.  But let's not get started down that trail.

    To all you nay sayers and anti Chicken Littlers,
sorry gang, but things they are a changing.  Not to
worry, as the worst of if won't happen until long after
we've left this mortal coil.  It may affect our great-
great grandchildren, and therein lies the rub. Do we try
to fix things for them?  Or do we let our children handle
it?  So, why don't we clean up the mess?

    Bill Didway (66) reminds us that all is not well in
the "power pool."  First mistake BPA made was in selling
power to California.  Now they want us to take down the
dams!  Well, if we do, so much for the big siphon hose to
provide water to LA. We just may have to live without
"native" salmon, and that is another can of worms as all
hatchery salmon are vile, nasty and evil creatures bent
on taking over the river.  Thought the original idea
there was to create a bigger gene pool, thereby insuring
the longevity of the species (salmon, I mean).

    However, in this era of politically correctness, we
must always make amends to the loosing side. No, I don't
dispute the repatriations to the improperly interned
Japanese Americans during WWII.  Especially the way it
was done, and some of the unspoken underlying rational
for it.  Again, that is another story.

    Back to the dams, and cheap hydroelectric power.  It
(cheap electricity) is the main reason for the population
boom in both Oregon and Washington.  It may also prove
the downfall if the revisionists have their way.  There
are some rivers just meant to be used in more ways than
one, as there are some meant to run wild.  The trick is
in identifying which is which.  It may not be agreed
upon, but so far the Tennessee, Ohio, Missouri,
Mississippi, Colorado and Columbia/Snake have shown
themselves not to be the ones that run wild.

    The next thing you know, "they'll" want to dam the
Amazon, but only after "they" have depleted the rain
forest.  And don't get me going on that.

 Anyway, that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it.
   Bob (Mike Clowes) Carlson '54 - Albany, OR
That concludes this issue of THE SANDBOX folks. Please
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Alumni of Richland High School, Richland Washington,
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Al Parker (53)
Shippenville, PA
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